The Power of Love and Support

Where would I be without the love and support from friends and family?

I don’t even know how to begin to answer this. Life is one crazy journey and I’m so grateful for the people I get to share it with.

Infertility completely sucks for so many reasons but it also ‘given’ me a few things as well. Learning to accept and lean on friends and family for support is one of the biggest ones. At the beginning of our journey with treatments we didn’t tell many people but the longer we wait for our miracle the more I have opened up to people. The response from people has really shocked me. I’ve met other’s going (or have gone) through treatments and adoption, friends that truly care and family that supports any decisions we make.

This cycle has been no different. I had a hard time accepting that we only had 2 fertilized embryos for transfer (yes I know…be thankful we had those) and we were given some difficult information (egg quality problems) basically immediately after our transfer. We went from feeling high that we transfer 2 good looking embryos to hurt and taken back with the news from the lab report.

I was really trying to force myself to stay positive and think of my two babes inside of me. Willing them to grow and telling them how much I loved them already but it was hard. I’m so scared. I don’t want to face hurt again.

Then within 18 hours something crazy happened. I had so many messages and calls from friends checking in on us, wishing us the best and  letting us know they were thinking, hoping and praying for us. What an amazing feeling. The pinnacle was a friend who brought me to tears (in a good way!). She called to let me know she was thinking of us, that she truly believed that this was our time, that she was going to be praying for us. I don’t know what exactly happen but something broke inside me. If was as for that moment all my worries about this 2WW were gone and I totally believed as well. She completely restored my sense of hope and optimism.

I can’t believe how truly blessed we are with amazing friends and family.

I know it’s going to still be a long 2 weeks filled with worry and anxiety but also with hope and optimism. I also know that when the worry and anxiety start to take over again I have incredible people I can lean on.

Friends & Family

I won the lottery… the friend lottery that is. I’m really not sure how I got so lucky in this department. I have some of the most amazing friends and family a girl could ever ask for. I got to marry my best friend who is everything you could wish for – he listens, calms my crazies, laughs uncontrollably with (and at!) me, is encouraging, gives unwavering support and so much more. I am truly blessed.

As mentioned we haven’t shared our story with many people. Even some of our closest friends don’t know. Why? I’m not sure, it’s a question I often ask myself. I think there are tons of reasons. Overall I didn’t think our stork would be lost for so long. I thought we’d give him a clear map and we would be done with this. Nice and tidy and over before any real hurt began. Haha life, you got us this time.

There are a myriad of other reason as well – anger, hurt, shame, feeling like a failure, awkward conversations, pride and resentfulness just to name a few. I’m an introvert and have a difficult time talking about my feelings or problems. Overall it’s a difficult conversation to have with anyone, even those closest to us. Often this is just easier:

The handful of people we have shared with have been absolutely incredible. Offering words of encouragement, sharing stories, giving a hug when needed or just being there to listen. Without these friends and family I don’t know what I would have done. The hours of discussions, the sharing of tears and joys, lunch or distraction outings and emails have meant the world to me. I would have been lost without those. I don’t know how to ever thank everyone enough. I hope I can be as good of a friend to them as they are to me.

To my friends and family that are reading this for the first time and learning about our journey, I’m really sorry we didn’t share earlier. Part of it is embarrassment and part was I just didn’t know how to bring it up. One of the biggest reasons is that I just want to keep a sense of normalcy in my life. When everything else was crazy and felt like it was upside down, I just wanted to go out for coffee and not worry about breaking into tears in the middle of the coffee shop. I just wanted to hear the latest gossip, bitch about work, and hear all about your family without wondering if you are holding back because you don’t want to make me upset. It was selfish and I’m sorry I didn’t share earlier… I hope you can forgive me for that.