Friends & Family

I won the lottery… the friend lottery that is. I’m really not sure how I got so lucky in this department. I have some of the most amazing friends and family a girl could ever ask for. I got to marry my best friend who is everything you could wish for – he listens, calms my crazies, laughs uncontrollably with (and at!) me, is encouraging, gives unwavering support and so much more. I am truly blessed.

As mentioned we haven’t shared our story with many people. Even some of our closest friends don’t know. Why? I’m not sure, it’s a question I often ask myself. I think there are tons of reasons. Overall I didn’t think our stork would be lost for so long. I thought we’d give him a clear map and we would be done with this. Nice and tidy and over before any real hurt began. Haha life, you got us this time.

There are a myriad of other reason as well – anger, hurt, shame, feeling like a failure, awkward conversations, pride and resentfulness just to name a few. I’m an introvert and have a difficult time talking about my feelings or problems. Overall it’s a difficult conversation to have with anyone, even those closest to us. Often this is just easier:

The handful of people we have shared with have been absolutely incredible. Offering words of encouragement, sharing stories, giving a hug when needed or just being there to listen. Without these friends and family I don’t know what I would have done. The hours of discussions, the sharing of tears and joys, lunch or distraction outings and emails have meant the world to me. I would have been lost without those. I don’t know how to ever thank everyone enough. I hope I can be as good of a friend to them as they are to me.

To my friends and family that are reading this for the first time and learning about our journey, I’m really sorry we didn’t share earlier. Part of it is embarrassment and part was I just didn’t know how to bring it up. One of the biggest reasons is that I just want to keep a sense of normalcy in my life. When everything else was crazy and felt like it was upside down, I just wanted to go out for coffee and not worry about breaking into tears in the middle of the coffee shop. I just wanted to hear the latest gossip, bitch about work, and hear all about your family without wondering if you are holding back because you don’t want to make me upset. It was selfish and I’m sorry I didn’t share earlier… I hope you can forgive me for that.